October 2002
Central Heating
Central heating for you.
Set timer.
Click in the night, whoosh, roar, house warm when you wake.
Central heating for me.
Climb mountain.
Find beech tree cut down last year.
Lop off branches and saw trunk into manageable lengths.
Drag trunks up slope to waiting tractor and trailer.
Cart trailer-load of tree-trunks down narrow track to road.
Unload trailer and stack trunks next to house.
Cover with tarpaulin for rest of summer.
Teach yourself to use chainsaw.
Cautiously saw trunks into logs.
Split logs and stack under terrace.
Rest up two days with aching back.
Collect kindling.
Light temperamental wood-burning Aga, known as “The Rocket”.
Feed with logs.
Four hours later, glaze on inside of windows in kitchen beginning to melt.
Breath no longer freezes on bathroom mirror whilst shaving.
Hot Water
Hot water for you.
Turn on hot tap.
Hot water for me.
Turn on any tap.
Nothing!
Pipes frozen.
Still the sun is shining, the sky is blue, I don’t pay taxes and I don’t
give a hoot!
Gob O'Shite 