Gorgeous George and his tattoos.
Gorgeous George wasn’t always a fanatical Chelsea supporter. He followed Arsenal until he met a girl called Chelsea and switched. I don’t suppose he had met many girls called Tottenham back then. Anyway, thanks to Chelsea, he had ‘C F C’ tattooed on the back of his neck, so, long after she was dumped, the tattoo remained.
When DouDou came home and found him in our marital bed with his new girlfriend, soon to be the mother of his child, she was more outraged by his fresh tattoos than his impudence.
His fanatical support for his football club extended to calling his first child – a girl – ‘Frankie’ after his hero Frank Lampard. Note: not ‘Francesca’ or ‘Frances’ but ‘Frankie’.
Fortunately, Frankie has turned out to be a phenomenally talented footballer herself and seems quite content with her name.
Frankie’s passion for football went as far as wearing her favourite football boots when bridesmaid at her father’s wedding.
Naturally, Gorgeous George had his daughter’s name and birthday tattooed on his arm, as is the fashion these days.
He seemed unmoved by my informing him that sailors had tattoos and gold earrings so that their bodies could be identified and given a decent burial when they drowned.
When Harrie was born, his name was added to the tattoos on Gorgeous George’s left arm which was beginning to run out of space.
By now both arms had full sleeve tattoos.
Along came Reggie and there was no space left on either arm so Gorgeous George’s manly chest was next to be decorated.
Disaster struck when Gorgeous George found he had a growth on his eyelid next to his nose.
The surgeon removed the lump but left a hole that needed filling. The only un-tattooed place to take the skin graft was from George’s hairy armpit.
The scar has healed and the lump has disappeared but Gorgeous George now sprouts curly, pubic armpit hair from his eyelid.
Gob O'Shite 